Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Get Gainey The Heart of Gold

Even Bistromath Can't Save Us Now

Here's a synopsis for you from Arpon Basu's CP work:
The Montreal Canadiens feel they have to move mountains just to get a goal, while the Boston Bruins are having goals fall in their laps.

You can read this two ways (clever man that Arpon). For one thing the Canadiens believe the Bruins got lucky. For another, they think the Bruins have a pretty proficient goaltender (with the obvious juxtaposition).

It's not a quote, it's a synopsis, so are we putting words in the Habs players' own mouths? I don't think so. The implication of real quotes like these:
Saku Koivu: "... they got their second goal (early in the second period) basically out of nowhere."

Bob Gainey on the first goal: "It did feel like a punch to the midsection.

They were clear in pointing to luck on the first goal, but is it not coded that their own lucky bounces were saved, the Bruins' were not. Our shots gave no rebounds, theirs were delivered straight onto sticks.

No goalie can save us now

That ship sailed a few hours ago. Carey can't be expected to, nor can Jaro now. You know we're quick to point out that Halak is better than Price here, and I think we have convinced most of you by now (rather the two of them have). But we seldom mention one main reason Price plays is because Halak is not that much better. Had he come in with a few shutouts and pulled a Steve Mason, or even a Chris Mason 2007, he'd be in right now. He's sidelined because he too has made life for the forwards very very difficult since December. Whatever you think of either of the two men, I don't think anyone at this point can realistically hope that #31 or #41 will pull 4 games out of the bag now.

Hence, luck.

The good news is they've been hoarding their pills since the Jason Blake and Garbageski hits. The bad news is that the team now needs more than a little helping – they need the maximum-allowable dose. This all sounds very familiar to me, sort of like being rescued when suffocating in deep space... The Infinite Improbability Drive is surely about to kick in, isn't it?

You see that way:
"Any event that is infinitely improbable [such as winning a game in April this year] will, by definition, occur almost immediately."

After all, the Canadiens need nothing less than Markov. They could use Lang, Schneider and Tanguay too. They need Carey Price to get his hand slammed in a car door. They need the referees to simultaneously drop their whistles to the ice when Thomas half controls the puck. They need Bruins high sticks to draw blood. They need Chara to make an error, maybe three. They need Marc Savard to think he's back in Atlanta. They need Laraque to ask to sit out.

All possible, if unlikely on their own. But together my friends, that's infinite improbability staring us right in the face.

Gosh, I knew these 4-2 scorelines were trying to tell us something. What's more, wouldn't Carey Price make a good Chesterfield? It'd certainly be easy to get the vacuum around and behind it. Might look good under some warm red lighting...

So for Wednesday, don't panic. But, do bring a towel.

[Apologies to those of you who were not as smitten with Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as I was...]

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